Saturday, April 30, 2016

Panel confirms early morning speeders most likely to hate job

    The results are in and it appears that those drivers we see driving so reckless in the morning are people that hate their jobs. The conclusion came after a two year study by the People For A Safer Drive.

    The study took into account accidents, employment, distance one lives from work and maturity level or basic IQ. The drive time was only between 6 am and 8 am on weekdays.

    "Basically we found that these people hate their jobs and see it more as a prison. Thus they leave as late as possible to enjoy as much freedom as possible. It is the equivalent of a man convicted of DUI getting blackout drunk the night before he goes to jail.", said study coordinator Franz Ryster.

    Ryster continued by saying, "We also found distance one lives from work had a backwards time effect. Meaning that the farther one lived from his place of employment the later that same person would leave." This was apparently in hope of said driver either getting a speeding ticket or being in a wreck. This would give them a legitimate excuse to be late.

    The study included interviews with over one hundred drivers who had been ticketed or been constantly late to their job. The result was that eighty three percent were borderline retarded. "We do not like using that term, we prefer using the term Angry, Stupid and Slow witted or ASS for short.", said Ryster. "These ASSES, if you will are usually too stupid to either get another job or leave earlier.

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